Filming Notes: Twitter
Before I dive into my filming notes I’m going to mention two things:
1. I’m going to start updating my blog at least twice a week. So, check back often. And comment — I love your delicious comments.
2. Go buy Twitter Wit — a book by Nick Douglas who played Nick Shiny in Break a Leg and a good friend of mine. I’m also in it, briefly.
Okay, are we on board? I think we are!
Here we go…
So, we’re working with a company to create four short satirical videos about Twitter. It’s the hip thing to do and we’re nothing if not hip, right?
No no, I’ll answer that — right.
Filming anything is a learning experience. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. That said, we’ve spend the last week and a half filming these Twitter videos and — perhaps to save any of you filmmakers trouble in the future — I’ve decided to write a few lessons learned.
Oh, and don’t worry, non-filmmakers. They’re funny and stuff.
Okay, let’s do it.
Lesson #1: If your actress is allergic to gluten, you probably shouldn’t cast her in a scene where she has to devour 8-9 cupcakes in a row. Also, once you realize the footage didn’t work (and killing her love of cupcakes forever — sorry, Daniela), you probably shouldn’t cast another actress… who is also allergic to gluten (…sorry, Sidrah).
In general, just don’t cast people allergic to gluten (sorry, Gluten-Allergic People).
Lesson #2: Always, always, always ask around for locations. Doesn’t matter what you need — if you ask enough people, someone will say yes. Unless you’re in LA, in which case, someone will say yes after you show them your insurance papers and your checkbook.
But I digress.
Ask everyone. We needed a store to shoot in — we asked two places. The first one felt so bad about saying no that they actually gave all of us (5 in all) free T-shirts (I would really, really advertise your store right now but I completely forgot the name. I’ll remember, don’t you worry!) The second one said yes immediately and let us light a corner of the store to get the scene done and even turned off their music.
Just ask.
Lesson #3: Have the nicest person in your group ask. If he has big puppy dog eyes (in our case, Justin — or, if you watch Break a Leg, Chase Cougar), they’re going to get you in.
Lesson #4: If you need a bar owner and the bar manager comes up to you and calls himself Uncle Dan to the point of actually having it written on his business card, run, run away. Don’t listen to him wax douchetic about how much more he knows than you about film.
Lesson #5: If it’s your friend’s birthday (happy birthday, Dashiell!) and he happens to be an integral part of your production team, thank him like this:
a. Surprise him with cake during the shoot, which happens to be his birthday.
b. Alert him that for the later scene, he’s going to have to be in bed with a girl.
c. Alert him that you can’t actually get a girl for the later scene, so you’re using your other friend in a blonde wig and a bra.
d. Alert him that there will also be another actor, an older actor, who’ll be dressed in chaps and have a whip (thanks Skip).
e. Film it for the best 27th birthday present ever. Ahh, the memories.
Lesson #6: There’s a sexual fetish that’s apparently getting popular where men inject their testicles with saline to increase their size temporarily. I know, it’s not film-related, but, you know, I want to keep you in the loop.
So, saline up.
More blog on Friday, hopefully!
-Yuri
Gluten allergy is bullshit.
Oh but otherwise, nice stories. What happened to Wednesday, otherwise known as yesterday?
why would the girls eat cupcakes when they knew they couldn’t ?
two girls, too many cupcakes.
oh, and happy birthday Dashiell! i hope lesson 6 isn’t related to lesson 5c-e. unless that’s what you wanted…
It’s safe to say that no young actor/writer/director has reached so large a worldwide audience and touched so many eyes. his hand, foot and hair prints are enshrined in a concrete square over there on mission and fifth street. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Yuri Brandenburg. My mistake, Yuri Boriskovich.
Firstly, let me congratulate you on yet another educational and nominally priced blog entry.
Secondly, as you are a web/film celebrity, and in the spirit of James Lipton, a man who is in fact, a human pastry, I’d like to ask you a series of questions, based on those of French series, “Bouillon de Culture” hosted by Bernard Pivot:
1. If you were an actress, sensitive to glutin, whose director was force feeding her wheat-based edible treats, what would be your favorite word to say to the director (after an IBS episode in the shitter)
2. Other than “shitter”, what is your least favorite word?
and finally
3. If heaven exists, would the commentors on your celestial blog still be mysterious, round headed fisher price people with no discernible facial features?
Thank you and goodnight.
Yo! I always spit for Yuri. Wheat stomach aches are wack. But ill do anything for Yuri. Acting is about doing things outside of your box. Like eating poison.
Oh and… DREW LANNING is bullsomething.
I think if this blog has demonstrated anything, it’s that I have the worst friends in the world.
>:0/
But I liked the cake! Until Justin threw it on the floor.
Fucking Justin.
Drew – Tell that to the women with the exploded stomachs. Also, I’ll contact you about scheduling in a few — waiting on Flynn and his nephew.
Brian – They’re actors, it’s in the script — why wouldn’t they?
Kevin – If there’s one thing Dashiell loves it’s saline — almost anywhere.
Bravegirl –
1. Abalone? Probably abalone.
2. Umm. I don’t like it when people say, “son.” Not like, “He’s my son” — that’s fine, more like, “Yeaaaah, son!” It makes me shiver angrily in my angry shiverin’ boots.
3. No, silly. They’d be Top 10 models. With wings. That sing when they talk. And lose clothes when they sing.
First off Dashiell, I didn’t throw your cake on the floor, but now I kind of wish I did.
And second, screw you! The image of you and Hugo and a blow-up doll in my bed with a barrel chested man in chaps holding a whip standing over you is an image that has somehow been burned into the wrinkles of my brain. Permanently.
Also, interesting note about the saline that you forgot to mention. Once said testicles are have been pumped to desired size – tall, grander, or basketball – they don’t let it out. EVER! It just seeps into your body. That just doesn’t sit right with me. Everything else does, but that part.
But yeah, filming stuff. Good times.
Hi,
That was funny—-is this Dashiell character a bender? Because I’d like his number…
Dear Sir,
It has been brought to the attention of my office that you are engaging in practices that violate the Equal Opportunity Employment clause of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Refusing to hire an actor or actress because of his or her inability to process gluten is in direct opposition to Baked Goods Statute 5, Section 984, Penal Code 5.28 (which, incidentally, happens to be my birthday. I expect gluten-full cupcakes). Please be aware that I will be forwarding my contact information to your actresses (our plaintiffs), from hereon out known as ” the Cupcakes,” in the event that should they want to file a civil suit against you forthwith. We will be suing for damages, including the psychiatric bills that were incurred by loss of cupcake enjoyment, and the hours of life lost to upset tummy-ness. We are also considering charges of Cupcake Love Manslaughter, a first-degree felony, as well as multiple charges of Pastrycide, a misdemeanor.
Furthermore, my staff and I have decided that, in light of your current discrimination, your use of the name “BreakaLeg” is being used to make fun of those who have broken legs, and as such, cannot walk as well as the rest of the able-bodied population. Ergo, we are also considering lodging a cease-and-desist order, an injunction, and other words that one of our clerks will find in a law dictionary.
Please reconsider your discriminatory hiring practices. Our attorneys are excellent, and will throw the cookbook at you.
Thank you,
Char Ball, Esq.
[...] from submitting all of our materials to the mysterious network (done!), finishing up the Twitter videos (almost done!) and writing a draft of the Temp Life script (draft 1 done!), we also had another job [...]